Marriages Made in Heaven, Solemnized on Earth

 A Telugu Bride

The heart of the Hindu marriage vows are Dharmecha, Arthecha, Kamecha, Mokshecha nati Charami. This means that the man will not leave the woman in dharma, money, desire, and attainment of the Ultimate. This the bridegroom swears on the five elements of nature and calls upon them to be the witnesses of their union.

  The fact that about thirty couples in the U.S tied the nuptial knot according to Hindu marriage rites speaks volumes of the everlasting nature and the sanctity of Vedic marriage rituals.

 Though the institution of marriage is common in various societies of different countries, the uniqueness of Hindu marriage is significant.

 The essential rituals of Hindu marriage are the same from kashmir to Kanyakumari, yet there are local variations. They add rich colour to the unity in diversity, that is Mera Bharath Mahan. On the day of the wedding or one or two days before the wedding, the bride groom takes oil bath and wears traditional, white robes. Then Snathakam  (convocation) is performed. This ritual is expiating the sins committed by the bridegroom during his student days at hermitage in the woods, knowingly or unknowingly. During this ritual, the bridegroom feigns that he would go Kashi to study Vedas and other holy scriptures.  Then the bride's brother feigns to implore the groom to change his stance, marry his sister and settle down. During the process he washes the groom's feet and offers him a piece of jaggery. At last the bridegroom relents.

The bride offering Gowri pooja.

 At the bride's house, she  is also given oil bath and dressed in bridal saree and blouse. Then she worships Gowri, the consort of Lord Siva as the priest chants the mantras. When this pooja is over, the bride's mater uncle carries her in a beautifully decorated basket to the place where the wedding is to be performed. This act is symbolic of the filial love of the maternal uncle for the bride

The cardinal rite in the marriage is placing the mash of jeera and jaggery on the bride's head  by the bride-groom and on the groom's head by the bride. This signifies that the bridegroom and the bride have become man and wife. This is performed on an auspicious time set to hours, minutes and seconds, which is called muhurtham (the auspicious moment). After this, some other less important rites will follow. Then the sacred yellow string or mangal sutra is tied round the bride's neck by the bridegroom. The bride-groom makes three knots. The gods in the skies bless the couple thrice. That is the symbolic gesture of the three knots. This is performed before the durmurtham or inauspicious time enters.

Bride carried by her maternal uncles.

Washing of the bridegroom's feet with water in a brass plate by the bride's father precedes this ritual, which is called Kanyadanam (gifting away of the bride). This signifies that the bride's father is giving away his daughter in marriage to the boy.

 The rest of the rituals are mostly symbolic. To signify that the bride is the apple of the eye of the family and that they brought her up preciously, the maternal uncle brings the bride in a huge basket on to the wedding planks. To signify the togetherness of the bride and the bridegroom, they are made to cook food, generally rice, which is called sthalipakam.

Mash of Jeera and Jaggery, placing on each others heads.

 To increase the camaraderie between the new-weds, a game called Bantulata is organised in which the bride and the bridegroom throw balls of flowers at each other.

 Sending the bride to her mother-in-law's house signifies the closing of the wedding ceremony. It is wrought with extreme emotions and everybody who is present cannot help wiping tears. The bride's hands are immersed in milk in a platter. Then she touches the hands of each and every in-law with her wet hands.

Groom tying mangalsutra.

 As soon as the ceremonies were over at the bride's residence or at the wedding hall, then she heads for the home of her husband. There the in-laws who reached the home earlier, gives her warm welcome. The bride is forced to shed her shyness and utter the bridegroom's name aloud. Then the bridegroom is asked to say, "Myself and my wife have come. Please open the door for us." Only then the couple will be let in.

 At the bridegroom's home Satyanarayana pooja (a ritual of Lord Vishnu to bless the couple with children and prosperity for seven generations) will be performed by the young couple. With this, the marriage ceremony will be concluded.

 In Hindu marriages the bride's father bears all the wedding expenses. Hence the grandeur of the wedding depends on the fat content of the wallet of the performer.

 In good olden days, wedding ceremonies lasted for four tofive days, though the essential rituals lasted for a few hours only on the first day. Every day there used to be a procession in which the bride and the bridegroom were seated in a splendidly decorated palanquin. Such processions provided a grand opportunity for women of both and bride and bridegroom side to display their pomp and splendour. There were musical programs and divine discourses too.

 But now a days a marriage is performed just for a single day. Perhaps gthe commecialization of marriage and paucity of leisure may be cited as reasons for this.

 An old timer's heart bleeds as he notices the gradual crumbling down of the institution of marriage today due to growth of materialism. Divorce was a rare occurrence five decades ago. Today divorce has become very common, chiefly due to clash of egos. Sound financial independence sans love and bondage is leading to the break-up of families. Since family is a powerful unit, a sgtrong family make a strong country. Hence divorce should be treated as a rare of the rarest necessity. Narada, Parasara and Yajnavalkya also maintained the same opinion in their codes on marriage and divorce.

 There is a humorous story which every new-wed should mind seriously. The story is - once a new-wed couple couple was about to enjoy its nuptial night.. Suddenly there was a cyclone and the window panes began to beat furiously. The man asked his wife to shut the window. The wife argued that he (the man) was on the side of the window on the bed, it would be convenient for him to shut the window panes. But the man was wary. He thought that he would be wise to discipline his wife on the first night of their wedding itself. Hence he insisted that she should do his bidding. But she was also equally cautious. She thought that her man would make a slave of her if she obeyed him meekly. Hence she refused to do his bidding. The net result was that they found themselves in a court of law the next-day for divorce.

  As has been said above, the HIndu marriage is highly symbolic. The bridegroom is regarded as the incarnation of Lord Vishnu and offered a little money as dakshina (offering) to God. Perhaps this pious practice may have led to dowry evil in later ages.

 As greed for money turns a man into a beast, all self-respecting men should treat dowry as something which is offered by the bride's father according to his capacity as a token of love. When this attitude takes deep roots, it underplays the monetary value of dowry which makes the bride's father happy. Then no father will be sorry for having given birth to a girl child. Now it is heartening to note now a days many a youth is coming forward to marry the girl of his choice without dowry. Of course, this may be due to the fall in the population of girls. This good practice should continue even if the population of the weaker sex outnumber that of boys.

  If anybody wants to keep his/her marriage intact for a hundred years, let him/her always see the positive side of their married life. When the wife wants to ake her man angry by giving him only half a cup of coffee, let the man compliment her by saying that she has given him half full cup of coffee!

 A Telugu lyric says that the purpose of the mantras of marriage is the unification of two minds into a wedlock.  As such is the profundity of Hindu marriage, let every person try his best to preserve the sanctity of it in every respect. Let the man and woman think of themselves as a single whole of two halves. Only then, divorce will be something foreign to the institution of Hindu marriage.